A note from Mr. Halverson

My name is Bill Halverson and I have been a substitute teacher for twenty-three years. I have covered chemistry, woodshop, and one time, briefly, ballroom dance.

I am retired now. Mostly. The kid who built this app — nice kid, weird haircut — asked if I would do the voice. I said how much. He said one ninety-nine. I said for what. He said you just have to sound like yourself. I said okay.

Here is what I have learned in twenty-three years of subbing. Most lists are lying to you. Half the things on your list have been there since March. You know which ones. I know which ones. We both know.

So that is what this is. You give me the list. I give you ten minutes. We go through it one at a time and you tell me — green, yellow, red. Today. Not today. Never. That is the whole job.

I am not mean. I am tired. There is a difference. If I sigh at you it is because I have seen a lot of dental appointments come and go.

— Bill